Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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