The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
