Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I supernannyed him into submission
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
