So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
