If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
