I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
