wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize