I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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