He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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