Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
