there's paper in my vomit.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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