I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize