im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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