Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
