as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
