You smell like stripper and shame
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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