We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize