is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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