we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
