im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is my gift to your gina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
