didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
