I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
