Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
