dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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