He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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