I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
