Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
