The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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