Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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