don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
