YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
