This girl is more easily done than said...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
