I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
