Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The air was thick with penises
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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