Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
