im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
