you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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