if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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