well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
