so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
