Plan B is the new Plan A
My liver just broke up with me...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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