so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
