According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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