Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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