Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
