Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
