I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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