Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
