I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
