we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
