My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
