I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
