She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
