Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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