There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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