You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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