I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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