wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
