Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How's work?
Spinning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
50% drunk capacity currently
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
