i was born a porn star she said
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
