Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
