Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
