Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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