I am spending my child support on dildos
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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