i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize