Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
