i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize