what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
