She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize