hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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